#but I was just - very viscerally - “NO!”
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probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.
we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."
at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.
the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.
the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.
what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.
here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.
#this is true#writeblr#warm up#relatedly for some reason one of our Favorite Jokes#amongst the Siblings#is like - ''this is so good u will love it''#while we are reacting to something we OBVIOUSLY find viscerally disgusting#like we will be actively retching and be like ''nooooo it's so good''#to the point that i sometimes get nervous if someone outside my family is like oh u should try it its good#(obvi we never force each other to eat anything. we are all just curious birds and#like. we're GONNA try the new thing.)#edit to answer why we had so much vanilla:#my mom is a very good cook and we LOVE to bake. so she just had a lot of staples in the house.#it's one of those things that's like. have u ever continuously thought ''ah i should get butter im probably out''#even tho u are not out of butter. so u end up with like 5 years of butter.#my mom would do that in a costco but like with vanilla extract#to be fair we WERE always using WAY TOO MUCH bc we were kids#so like she was right to stock up#ps. yes we were VERY sick after this lol i just didn't want to include it in the post in case ppl had an ick about that#u can tell it's real bc we knew "oh no we fucked up that's too much vanilla to waste'' but our reaction was to just. keep drinking it#> sibling understanding that vanilla extract isn't free > knowledge mother doesnt mind if we use it for milkshakes#> sibling choice to maybe get in a loophole of ''not wasting it'' if we drink it bc that's the same as using it (not throwing it out)#listen bud i was like 13 and my sister was like 9#when my mom discovered this we. got in. A LOT. of trouble. a lot of it. a LOT of it.#3rd edit bc i guess it isn't clear - i am 1 of my brother's 2 little sisters#i am the middle child#out of all the ways i have had to explain a post before being like ''did u forget a middle child can happen'' is my favorite
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Thinking about the fact that Mabel and Dipper didn't know they had two great uncles.
Yeah they are 12 and at 12 I had a shotty understanding of my family tree- But really? Nobody brought up their great uncle? Stanley? Especially since they'll be staying with his twin brother, Stanford?
Shermie never went to Stan's fake funeral, which to me means the twos relationship was strained on some level. If Shermie is older that means his view of Stan was poisoned in some way, that even as kids they weren't close. If the Shermie is younger then he never even got to meet Stan and all he knew about him was how he failed his family. Hell, people probably barely mentioned Stanley TO Shermie.
The fact that Stan had become a black stain upon the Pines family name makes me so vividly upset. Stanley faked his death and the family just- seemingly decided to strike him from the record. To pretend he didn't existed to spare themselves the sadness and shame.
Stanford and Shermie Pines. The only children worth mentioning of Filbrick and Caryn Pines.
It was never Stanford that was lost to the world. It was Stanley, ever since he had to leave New Jersy- it was always him that had to be struck from the record. Change his name, change his state, change his affiliations, destroy the remains of ghost that was Stanley Pines. Kill him so the family doesn't bring him up, doesn't ask questions, stops asking "Stanford" about his twin.
I just keep thinking about the fact that since the day he made one single mistake all the way up until Ford walks out of that machine- Stanley Pines was killed and did not exist. And Stan himself had no one to blame, he had to play the part in his own demise- He is the only one who ever knew Stanley was alive and has been for decades.
He lives in the multitudes of every personality he's ever taken, all in the hope that he himself can stop being Stanley Pines.
#gravity falls#grunkle stan#stanley pines#STANLEYYYYYY#STANLEY THEY COULD NEVER MAKE ME HATE YOU STANLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#sharky rants#Just. Imagine the fucking shame you have to live with#the shame that you can never be yourself. That anything you were is unwanted and forgotten#The shame of just BEING- Of taking space of- of /breathing-/#Imagine the world; your friend; your family; your colleagues being so ashamed of having known you#that you feel more comfortable with a persona to present.#You feel more comfortable stealing the identity of someone you care for deeply if only to help#If only to feel capable for once. To feel like you belong- Like youre doing something good for once#Imagine the shame that brings you to be comfortable not being yourself for 40 years.#ALL CASE YOU BROKE ONE FUCKING PROJECT??????? COME ON#I mean- the deeprooted shame was started from earlier. He was 'the stupid twin“; 'the troublemaker”; “the cheat and thief”#This was a long time coming#But those werent MISTAKES- The one time he genuinely made a Mistake he lost everything#Like he really mattered so little to the people around him#and he cant really blame them.#My cousin is a genius. Hes smart and academically achieved since I was a baby.#The only thing I had that he didnt was my ability to draw. to be creative. The guy for the longest time had a better social life then me too#I used to get brought to tears seeing his accomplishments- seeing people praise him. The shame lived in me any time I had to see him#The shame that I was the black sheep of the family next to the golden standard for a son- for a student- for a friend.#when I was none of those things#And Im lucky he was my cousin- cause if he was my brother that would have haunted me EVERY DAY rather then once or twice a year#Im better with it now; Im more content with who I am- But trauma dump aside-#I very very very much understand Stans shame in being the stupid one. The unachieved one in a family full of achieved people#the shame thats angry at him for being better. at the family for treating him special. and most of all at yourself that you cant be better#its a visceral feeling that I sadly understand
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Prompt:
It’s not that Jason forgot, per se.
But between smuggling a toddler out of the League of Assassins, trekking halfway across the world, and finding a suitable hiding place that’s also child friendly… well, it kind of slipped his mind that he’s supposed to be… dead.
Something that comes back to bite him in the ass when he takes Dami out for some ice cream and just so happens to run into non other than Brucie-fucking-Wayne
#look I’ve found a new fave trope and it’s Brucie Wayne having to keep up his act while internally LOSING HIS SHIT#Jason isn’t very into the whole revenge thing here#his mind is 85 parts ‘keep Dami safe’ 5 parts ‘kill joker asap’ and 10 parts ‘avoid bats at any cost’#Jason doesn’t know who Damian’s father is#dealer’s choice if Jason establishes himself as Dami’s dad or older brother#his build certainly makes him look old enough#if you don’t look at his baby face lol#Jason runs into Brucie and goes straight into survival mode#Damian who is very observant for a toddler immediately clocks Brucie as THREAT based on Jason’s reaction#Brucie blue screens and desperately tries not to lose Jason in the crowd#jason is absolutely trying to lose Brucie in the crowd#while clutching Damian like his life depends on it#for all he knows it does#the visceral terror that your pseudo dad will take away your little brother/baby#Bruce who just wants to know if he’s hallucinating again: W A I T#jason who is terrified of being put in Arkham for killing people: no FUCKING WAY#hm maybe Jason plays the ‘I’m not Jason’ game again#it’s not gonna hold for long#but Bruce absolutely thinks that Damian is Jason’s bio child for a while and he’s on the WARPATH#Jason was sixteen when he died and never showed any interest in dating so literally every red flag is waving in brucie’s mind simultaneousl#or maybe Jason manages to get away and all Brucie is left with is the memory of his supposedly dead son#running away from him#and clutching a tiny kid#prompts#jason todd#batfamily#Damian wayne#batdad#brucie wayne
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The trees lumbered across the field.
It was a weird thing to watch. When a tree settled to rest or sniff at an interesting crocus, she could almost believe that it had been rooted to the spot for years; then the huge body would raise up on spidery roots and trundle forward with stupid placidity to follow the herd. When they all had settled to rest in the morning light, it was like the field had been turned into a misty woodland in seconds.
A sapling bounded up to her and sniffed at her wrist before bounding off again, spindly roots kicking with delight.
"It's pretty simple work," said the farmer. "We let them out to get some fresh air and sunlight, check them for blight. Every so often we have to lay out some manure, but that's pretty much it."
She watched the sapling. It stumbled on its own limbs and limped into the shade of its mother.
"It's pretty similar to raising cattle," said the farmer. "We raise them up for a couple years, and when they get big enough we take them down to the slaughterhouse and have them butchered."
"Wouldn't you send them to a logging mill or something?"
"Nope."
A chickadee whirred through the air and lighted onto a branch.
"There's good money in it, too," said the farmer. "There's a lot of demand for certain cuts of tree meat."
"You mean wood?"
"Nope."
There was a blur of branches. The tree ate the chickadee.
#'if this is all building up to a tree farm joke i'm very impressed' she said#'no i think the writer is just feeling weird today' said the farmer#narrativia#short story#microfiction#worldbuilding#if it turns out they do the same bit in dungeon meshi i'm gonna be viscerally upset
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“Can’t you see I’m in the middle of something?”
(ID: Kirby series fanart of Dark Meta Knight, bust shot, covered in bloody spatters that drip down his armor, half-draped in a deep red shadow that bleeds in lines down the background. He glares at the viewer through the tilted visor of his mask, a single, manic-wide eye glowing gold in the shadows, an unusual orange slit pupil slashed through its center. He holds one hand up before him, gloveless, bloodstained, curled into claws as if he’s just ripped it out of something. END ID.)
Started 11/14/24, finished 11/16/24.
#veins art#veins fanart#kirby series#kirby#dark meta knight#listen#I know we all like to knock him down a peg and make him this posturing little dork with a foul mouth and secret heart of gold#(and I love that for him of course)#but right now I have... a *lot*... of visceral anger and despair living inside my chest#and *very* few ways to express it constructively#so we’re just gonna... let Dark hold that for me for a while okay?#go be an edgelord to your heart’s content little guy - it’s on the house#we'll go back to sillies later (when things hurt a little less)#blood tw#eye contact tw#vent art#<- (technically. just in case it’s not y’all’s thing)#veinsfullofstars
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redesigned creek cuz im sick of feeling rage every time i see him
#a lot offff this is based off rps with him :3 so if ur like why. that's why#im sick of rping him and seeing his ugly canon icon and having a physical visceral reaction#i want to see him in the new movies style SO BAD!!!! RAGRHH#also i went thru a lot of effort to make his trousers NOT neon yellow only for the filters i applied to turn them neon again#creek#trolls#redesign#art#fanart#my recent art has been so sketchy and non refined but i truly just cant b bothered atm#now realising ive hardly posted it here HOLD ONNN I will b posting all my recent art eventually#he clacks when he walks cuz i think its a very relaxing sound. namaste or whatever
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When you absolutely despise something a lot of people like, and no matter what way you look at it you cannot see the appeal, but you know you can’t talk about it in public or else you’ll get dogpiled to hell and back, so you just kinda sit there frothing at the mouth like this
#spaghetti speaks#minor blood#I know this image is typically used in positive contexts but it felt fitting here too#Also you probably know what I’m talking about if you’ve spoken to me before#The AM speech but aimed toward this one particular series because the rage it causes is GRAHH#it had so much potential#it could’ve been so so good#YOU COULD'VE KEPT THE PILOT PLOT INSTEAD OF INSTANTLY ABANDONING IT IN FAVOR FOR ONE OF THE WORST ROUTES A STORY CAN GO IN#I’m so mad because I WISH I could like it#I WISH I could make art for it- the character designs are fun to draw#but I’m not a fan of it#I have a visceral hatred of the series and its creator#but I’m alone in the opinion#minus my friends who agree with me#but I just#I don’t understand#I feel like if it was made by a bigger studio- people would hate it as much as me#Steven Universe was written significantly better than it- I’m sorry#SU got so much shit for years- this is praised everywhere I see#I could explain every single problem I have with this series and people will defend it#it’s so popular despite nothing being resolved or making sense#The people behind the studio were revealed to be shitty to employees but no one cares because this series got a new episode#GRRRRRGHGGHH#I hate the characters- I hate the nonsensical plot- I hate the plot holes- I hate the villain- I hate the wasted potential#I’d hijack this series and make a Snoot Game type thing if I could- my autistic ass will make this better#I'm not arrogant I’m just saying the writing is on the floor and it doesn’t take much to just fix it up and make it pretty#I’m ranting#sorry#I’m very passionate about things like this#Inorganic killers
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Hyunjin looking down Seungmin's overalls 🙊 © pye0ngtay
#kinda optimizing the saying fuck around and find out- seungmin you fucked around#stray kids#hwang hyunjin#seunngmin edit#hyunjin edit#kim seungmin#seungjin#skz#skz gifs#skz edit#bystay#staysource#kpopedit#also i love their little pop of pink outfits. very sweet.#unrelated but also not#op of the vids tweets are so fun to hit translate on bc she says strange as hell things#sometimes about seungmin but also sometimes just about whatever#like she was talkin about quitting smoking and it was just so like viscerally written and i was laughing#she tweeted last night saying she was tired but couldnt sleep bc of the dopamine from the show and asked anyone who was fighting to come#and hit her so she could sleep for about 6 hrs and it made me laugh
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#my art#talvas fathryon#savos aren#ancano#estormo#what thefuck is dis lineup 😂😂😂#the second pic is my favorite ever now talvas looks like a ducky in it UUUUUUUUUUUMY BABYBBBBBBBBBBBBBB#drugs //#savos actually wud have a very spineless attitude with talvas#most of it comes from him being offput by his behavior but he's also awkward in nature due to being unexperienced 🤗#he's very loving tho he likes that little twink for ACTUAL!#his love is clean....not as dirty and visceral as neloff's#drawing talvas being liked by someone normal doesn't sit right with me i will have to draw some abuse realness l8r#Bye#savos is underprepared 4 talvas' neloth-pilled mind#talvas would just be eager to start fights out of nowhere cus he misses neloff but forgets that neloff is the only dude ever -#- that's pushing 800 years old but is mentally 15#and nobody else is just gonna yell at him and toss him around like dat#talvas is gonna yell at savos once and is gonna end up in a unwarranted therapy session instead of **************** -#- (what wud happen when he beefed with neloff)#how sad#(savos voice) TALVAS DON'T LEAVE ME😭😭😭😭
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you are worth all the struggle and bloody mess
[id in alt text]
#falin touden#marcille donato#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#dungeon meshi spoilers#blood#gore#(actually pom juice but just in case)#awhile back i saw a bunch of posts about how pomegranates are worth the effort and bloodiness of trying to open them#in like a vague poetic romanticizing way.. you know the genre of tumblr post#and thought of how much marcille was willing to do to get falin back#i dunno. not sure how to explain what i was going for here#'what if the red dragon was a huge pomegranate that marcille had to dig falin out of with her bare hands'#..i guess that's basically it actually#fan art#my art#not very accurate pomegranate drawing either but it was more fun to stylize like this and i wanted it to look kinda fleshy#for the red dragon/necromancy/general visceral struggle comparison
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.
#fucks me up that there are two whole new animals in the house that i barely know#who depend on me for everything#barely recognize me as a friend or helper#and are so incredibly incredibly fragile#i got worried for junie today because her spay incision had some swelling#and it's normal to have some and i have seen it before#but after what we just wemt through i got upset and rushed her to the vet#who said it was fine and thankfully we have free office visits#but i was so upset even though i knew it was probably normal#i look at them and i see adorable cuddly sweet TEMPORARY things and i feel like something inside me got broken somehow#and i was right all along that after it was all over i would come back but not quite as myself#i just hadn't fully understood the extent#we are keeping them and it sort of had to happen when it did but i think it was too early for me#they are so cute and when they do cuddle it's so sweet and obviously i would fight for them as hard as i would for Fancy#because that's just how the deal works and it isn't about you at all it's about how they each carry a little world inside them just as we d#and that deserves equal respect and care regardless of my personal affections#but i look at them and i see little creatures that don't belong here and are foreign in some fundamental way#and that they will be gone in just a little while and things will go back to how they were#which is impossible#we will settle in and i doubt anything i am feeling is abnormal but I'm really struggling and i feel so bad about that#i don't know#it's just a lot to deal with#and i feel very lonely and sad about it#and under it all the sick feeling of having JUST held all three lads as they passed and the VISCERAL reality of it#and knowing one day if everything goes just right i will be holding them too#dear god life is so fragile and every living thing is just as mortal as any other
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sorry to get angsty on main but I really wanna see a crossover fic where Five Hargreeves meets Bruce Wayne and the topic of, y’know, what would you do for your family, the morality of killing in a given context, etcetera comes up. And a bit of dialogue just going like
Bruce: But once you cross that line, where does it stop?
Five: It doesn’t have to stop — they just have to live.
#batman#five hargreeves#tua#crossover thoughts#dc crossover#tua crossover#unironically I think witnessing that interaction would fuck Jason up even more#I also think Bruce would have a ton of complicated feelings about Five#but Five would be so indifferent to him as to border on being insulting#Five would not adopt Jason because he already has a bunch of self-destructive ppl to protect#but they’d have a dynamic of mutual respect#I just think they’d understand each other on a viscerally tragic level#they make eye contact and recognize the strain of loving people who can never love them back with the same insane level of devotion because#that level of devotion IS fundamentally insane#and they recognize the willingness to cross certain lines but no desire to do so but also every reason and motivation that means they do#and then they break eye contact and it never comes up again#jason todd#in the tags lmfao#Constantine would either see Klaus and nope the fuck out or be Very Interested dealer’s choice
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"au where shiva is jason's true biological mother" mate I'm not even sold on shiva being cass's mother...
#there are many reasons for this lol#it's very obvious that it was the final nail in the coffin of shiva's character‚ at least in the way it happen#(though unlike with say‚ talia‚ i think finding a way to salvage it might be borderline impossible)#i suspect that when i read some of her old comics (on my december to-do list!) i'll feel this way even more#another reason is the whole biological exceptionalism narrative of cass as shiva and cain's bio daughter#vs the other random kids trained by cain who all died or went crazy because their bloodline wasn't Special Enough#i just don't care for that stuff#but i could compromise on cain as the biofather because it does make some elements more visceral in the story#(and potential stories i want to tell about them)#but shiva wasn't necessary. also aldjfjf. sorry but cass's deduction does it make look as if she just guessed the one asian woman she knows#talking to the void#my thoughts#dc#dc comics#lady shiva#cassandra cain#dc thoughts#fandom nonsense#bitter lau tag
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love thinking kipperlilly spends her afterlife looking for lucy in a familiar forest
#not art#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#like. does she have a mean of knowing lucy and yolanda got sent to cassandra's domain to hang out for a bit#kipperlilly's isolation means so much to me. she is punished for everything she's done she just doesn't pick up on it#until the moment she dies! one more funky thing that mirrors riz in which he's actively tried to cultivate a community and denied it#until the bad kids. while kipperlilly does not want or care about a community she just wants someone who validates her#but she does Need a community so she latches onto the person she lets closer to her to fulfill her emotional needs#she took the ritual willingly so this might genuinely be her first death. probably terrifying#probably not even enough bandwidth to feel mortified. maybe immediately seeking something comforting out of instinct alone#lmao honestly thinking too much abt fantasy high afterlifes gives me a headache And a visceral fear#Im not religious but I grew up in a culture with a dominantly buddhist/taoist cosmology its Scary that u just go to A Place after u die!!#and then ur still urself!!! thats scary to me what do u mean u stay like that forever. thats fucked#but yeah I think this influences how I see kipperlilly turn out a little bit. in a sense I think of her as being a ghost now#yknow. trying to solve something from life so she can move on and. stop living this life etc#man the reveal that lucy took being killed pretty seriously and is like yeah the others are decent and even sweet#and probably was just trying to hold her party together and do what she thinks is moral by hearing kipperlilly out#lol lmao etc. gods I gotta wonder how kipperlilly's mindset handled jawbones' help#it really is damn tragic tho. I stand by what I said folks like this will complain and be nasty to be around#but they dont have enough desire to inconvenience themselves to off the bat do something abt what they find unfair or whatever#its when theyre handed the seemingly very easy means to be right that they'll start being dangerous#its horribly tragic that the supposed metaplayer and the self-perceived mastermind turned out to ultimately be just an useful idiot#yknow what. I think personally in my heart kipperlilly moves on from her afterlife the moment she says sorry#doesnt even have to be to lucy but that's probably gonna be who received it#ah.... teenage rebellion. teenage gamejacking
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2024 reads / storygraph
Asunder
slow-paced high fantasy
a woman who has a contract with an eldritch entity allowing her to see the dead & survives by taking various jobs
when a job searching for stranded smugglers in a cave goes wrong, she ends up with the soul of a dying stranger bound to her shadow
along with a scholar and her old childhood friend, they travel to his home country to find a way to unbind him and save them both
dark fantasy world with gods, demonic entities, arcane magic, and semi-sentient beasts used as transport
#asunder#kerstin hall#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#okay SUPER fascinating worldbuilding with some very visceral creatures and biological constructs and interesting magic systems.#many things I like. A great cast of characters. Honestly I could read tons more stories set in this world.#it’s very slow building and meandering narratively; focusing on the complex journey of the main character#didn’t love the audio narration tbh - it felt like some lines are read with the wrong emphasis or tone? but I got used to it after a while#So this has one of my absolute favourite tropes (bodysharing.) unfortunately it turns it into a romance which is. well.#it just doesn’t hit the same if you make it romantic!! so that kinda made it change traintracks from being on a direct line to#potentially 5 stars to a whole different station where i do not live. lol.#I SUPPOSE it’s a well developed relationship and I’d prefer romances more like that than instalove I guess.#I did love their dynamic; too; but suddenly realising it was romantic threw me for a loop. I had put him in the annoying dad category.#I do also feel like we didn’t get quite enough of him as an individual person and characterisation - which obviously makes sense to an#extent; but I felt like I only got to see more of him in the brief time around his father.#Also he was surprisingly chill and nice to her immediately considering he was essentially her hostage???#Anyway I did enjoy a lot of it; it just suffers the unfortunate tragedy of#[literally my favourite thing made for me] [turns that thing into literally my least favourite thing i hate]#but also -random dude you’re bound to being overly protective and considerate despite barely knowing you (platonic/familial vibe) - yeah!#random dude you’re bound to being overly protective and considerate despite barely knowing you (romantic) ehhhh…idk.....#(to me personally. i'm sure people enjoy that. whatever)
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– You summoned that demon! Except it was a spirit of wisdom at the time. – You made it kill. You twisted it against its purpose.
#datv spoilers#da:tv spoilers#veilguard spoilers#dragon age the veilguard#solas#IM UNWELL#now im 100% taking the vallaslin off lavellan in crestwood because i'm sure that would bring him some temporary relief#and it brings a whole extra meaning to this interaction (on those who had mythals markings but many of us did)#it's not as random of a deflection from almost giving up on his plans and confessing everything on the spot anymore#in a way it's funny i've always picked mythals marking from my first day in DAO just because I like trees#I feel like solavellan was my destiny from the very beginning#(that and the first thing done in this franchise being stepping into a goddamned eluvian)#dragon age#...i hate power dynamics so much#there's always nuance but it's still AWFUL and SAD#he was stuck on this torture of a path for so long#sobbing#Solas' story is deeply messed up#im so upset#this abusive relationship leading to a millenia of sorrow#finally he's out of her hands#finally it's his turn to be free#I had to delete this to repost it as a standalone because it felt right to do so and viscerally wrong not to#i'm sorry for the inconvenience
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